What you need to know is that while you may never understand their obsession with two-tone jodhpurs, and your excitement when they announce they’re getting a new gag and whip is definitely misplaced, they’re actually really easy to please. Here’s how to make their Valentine’s Day just perfect….
1. Muck out a stable for them
There is no greater romantic gesture than removing poo from your partner’s horse’s stable. Shakespeare would have put it into Romeo and Juliet, if only he’d been able to think of a rhyme for ‘manure’. You might reckon mucking out sounds easy, but strangely, it isn’t. Equestrians are fussy about their horses’ beds. Don’t let this put you off, though. Watch a few YouTube videos first to see how it’s done. Then do it. Just remember: horse people get up really early. For this to work, and if you want it to be a lovely surprise, you’re going to have to get up while it’s STILL DARK. That’s love for you, though.
2. Fix that wonky gate/dodgy roof on the trailer/flat tyre on the lorry
There is no more attractive trait in the opposite sex than the ability to do DIY, especially if it means your beloved can finally reverse their lorry out of that mud drift it’s been stuck in for weeks. You WILL be rewarded for this — possibly in heaven, but possibly in this life, too. Who can say?
3. Buy them new stuff
There’s no equestrian on earth that will turn down a new pair of breeches, whether they’re upmarket and expensive Pikeur, or cheap ‘n’ cheerful Aldi. Ditto boots, show jackets, show shirts, gilets or even socks. Just make sure you get the right size or there could be hell to pay.
4. Get their rugs cleaned and proofed
Yeah, we’re definitely going big with the practical stuff here. That’s horsey people for you, though. While they’d probably enjoy being serenaded in bed with croissants and Buck’s Fizz, part of their brain will be also thinking, “better stuff this down, Snowy starts kicking the door in if his breakfast is five minutes late”. Which can kill the mood. Getting their rugs cleaned and proofed is a gesture that will be appreciated even more than a red rose in a jam jar. We know. Mind-boggling, isn’t it?
5. Book them tickets to a show
But not Frozen On Ice. That’s really not their sort of thing. Maybe offer to pay for their entry to their next competition, or if you’re feeling really flush, take them to the Winter Equestrian Festival in Palm Beach, Florida or the MET in Oliva or Mijas or the Flanders Horse Expo or ... Actually, forget them, take us instead!